𝐁𝐞 𝐚 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫

 

𝐁𝐞 𝐚 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫 : 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬.

Have you ever felt like you do most of the talking in a group of people? Ever felt that people avoid talking to you? You wonder why, even though you are a pure soul and have good intentions to help others. Also, has it happened that you have not been able to recollect a conversation with someone? Maybe you talk more and listen less. The solution is simple – learn to listen well. Being a good listener makes you more approachable, friendly, likeable, knowledgeable, humble, appreciated and respected. Here are some steps that can enhance your listening skills.

Create a comfortable setting and opportunity to have a good conversation. For two or more people to have a meaningful conversation, it is important to choose a place that all are comfortable with. The other person should be comfortable with you. Have an open mind, that is displayed through your body language. Never judge anyone. We have no right to be biased or prejudiced against anyone. We can never fully understand someone’s situations and circumstances, so it is always better to be empathetic and understanding. Be sensitive to the other person’s views, opinions and thoughts. Give them a window to talk and express freely. It is said that small minds discuss people, mediocre minds discuss events and great minds discuss ideas. Avoid gossiping and back-biting. Focus on the positives rather than negative topics and events.

Talk less and listen more. We knowingly or unknowingly tend to mistake talking for a ‘conversation.’ There is a difference between a monologue and a dialogue. We should refrain from enforcing our views and opinions on others. Difference of opinion must always be welcomed. It educates us, enriches us and makes us more aware and informed. People who know less, tend to speak and argue more. Humility is a virtue. The tree that is laden with fruit is bent down while a fruitless tree stands erect. Be calm, compassionate, open, humble, sensitive and understanding towards the emotions and feelings of others. Do not let your mind wander and avoid distractions. Learn to be in the present moment. Instead of spending your energy and focus on what to reply and say next, just learn to Listen. Sometimes, people just want to share or vent something and we immediately start thinking of solutions for them. It is not always about you. Learn to detach.

Be Okay with Silence and learn to utilize silence well. Silence is very powerful, especially in a conversation. Silence does not symbolize weakness but demonstrates strength and confidence. Utilize silence to put your point across, not pinpoint blame or proving the other person wrong and to negotiate well. It is absolutely alright to be quiet and hear the other person out completely, even if there are inaccuracies in his facts, speech, vocabulary or anything else. Proving others wrong and pointing out mistakes makes you less likeable and rebuffed. No good can come out of embarrassing others. We often try to fill silences by talking and chattering, but that is not meaningful conversation. A pause is absolutely okay and can pave the way for the next topic of discussion. Silence is useful to digest new information, process it and ask questions. It need not be awkward. It also gives the other person time to do the same.

It is alright to say No. We tend to lose out a lot of good things in life such as peace, time, happiness and what we want because of a simple thing – we cannot take No for an answer and / or we cannot say No to others. By simply empowering ourselves enough and harnessing the power of saying No and hearing No, we can gain immense respect, love, attention, confidence and a charming personality. Learn to listen to your inner voice that guides you and your gut feeling. Have faith in God. Everything in life is temporary and is just a phase.

Ask good questions. Asking questions makes people believe that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. You get an opportunity to clarify and understand the context better. If you do not comprehend some bits of information, feel free to ask to elaborate or repeat what you have understood. It makes the other person feel valued, important and respected. Active listening is very important to have good conversations, to develop close bonds, good interpersonal relationships and connections with people. Be careful not to hurt other people and ask questions that may embarrass them.

Share your personal experiences carefully. You must choose what to share with others carefully. Although sharing personal stories and experiences makes you establish a connection and bond with others who might have gone through the same problem, but it can sometimes be passed on to others or used against you. Then, it is too late to regret. Sometimes, offering our own examples to solve other people’s problems may boomerang because people are different, their situations and circumstances are different and their environments are different. Learn to listen with an open mind and heart, rather than rushing to fix the problem. Also, try to avoid hogging the conversation. Making it always about you is a disastrous step for people skills and communication. Taking over the conversation will make people avoid and dislike you.

Do not forcefully say what is right. Do not stress about facts, figures and saying the right thing. That is not always important. Logic never wins over emotions. Trying to fit in everything in one conversation and making it perfect makes you a bad listener. Learn to be patient, listen more, process more, think more and diligently participate in the conversation. Appreciate and value people. Love them unconditionally. Empathise with and care for them.

Listening is not only a valuable tool for good communication, but also for developing and maintaining long-term personal and professional relationships. Master the art of listening and you will be surprised at how much you learn, how much respect and love you gain and how peaceful and happy your life becomes.

Yoga of Immortals
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